I was screaming and bawling on the phone with my mom. I was SO MAD. I didn’t usually share this level of frustration, anger, and sadness with her, but I just felt so lost. I had wanted to be a mom so badly and now as a mother of four, healthy, adorable kids, I was MISERABLE.
Angry and frustrated, I felt like no one even saw me any more. Now, I was simply a mom and wife—the spunky, adventurous, fun-loving Mirsada was gone. I was the person who did almost everything for everyone, but my efforts were hardly ever recognized. I didn’t even need appreciation; I simply wanted some acknowledgment.
I was also yearning for a sense of empowerment. My husband asked me to help with things, but they often times fell short of completion because I didn’t feel like he gave me the authority I needed to finish the job. I would put in hours and hours of work, only to feel that I had no results to show for it.
I made a conscious effort to make healthy and delicious food only to be met with complaints. I set up play dates and lunch dates. I was the car service for everyone. I made sure snacks were packed, clothes were clean, gifts were bought and parties were planned, but I was never noticed or acknowledged for my efforts.
I understand that this is a universal feeling. Even my working husband might feel underappreciated at times, but the difference that is he has a full bank account at the end of every month. I never had that—stay at home moms NEVER have that! I, like so many others, was cutting corners on myself to make sure everyone else’s needs were met. I was slowly killing myself and NO ONE noticed.
That night something in me changed. I was tired of doing and being what everyone else needed me to be.
So many moms tell me that they feel they’ve lost their shine; their glow; their edge. Whatever you might call it—they feel that it’s gone or deeply buried.
Most of my clients were professional women prior to motherhood. During that working phase of life, they often dreamed of motherhood. However, once they embarked on the motherhood journey, they lost a piece of themselves in the process. They now longingly think of that missing piece.
We sometimes think that former piece of us can no longer be a part of our lives—we are mothers now and must only think of others first. But we are wrong.
I discovered that no one was going to come and make sure I was ok—that duty and responsibility fell solely on myself. In making the decision to prioritize myself, I was taking care of more than just me: I was taking care of my whole family.
Not only is motherhood is a gift, but I believe it is the MOST important job a woman ever undertakes. Stewarding young souls through this amazing and sometimes messy world is hard work. It is a job that is overwhelmingly under-compensated, especially given its importance and lasting impact. It can also be a very lonely job.
In a society where cash is king, the message to mothers is clear: you don’t matter. Plenty of lip service is given to the importance of mothering, but at the end of the day, women are left vulnerable and struggling with feelings of inadequacy.
Our children are soaking up everything around them, and it is time we make our importance known. These little souls are seeing how the woman they view as most important in their life is struggling to find her center. They see how we are judging ourselves, criticizing ourselves, and not giving ourselves one ounce of grace. They see how we look at ourselves in the mirror with disdain, and they feel the negative energy we give ourselves for not being enough.
The truth is, we are enough—we are MORE than enough. We are strong and powerful. We truly have the ability to change the world, yet so often we give away our power.
I, along with all of my clients, began radiating joy and happiness again by acknowledging that we matter. Your feelings matter, your desires matter, and YOU matter. Stop allowing your child or your husband to speak to you with a tone that is too sharp. Give yourself permission to take care of your needs. Start setting boundaries on what you will accept and what is no longer acceptable.
Every change I have made started with one small step. The first step was a decision: a decision to change. A decision to acknowledge that even though I had a responsibility to others, my first responsibility to them was to take care of myself.
Often times moms with this level of frustration and overwhelm don’t know where to start. If you want some ideas, download my “11 Mommy Hacking Secrets to Combat Overwhelm” on my website, mirsadahoffmann.com You will find some simple things you can do today and add into your days that will set you on this path.
For more helpful tips, listen to Mirsada’s interview (Ep45) on the Radiate Wellness Podcast.